Category: Not Workers Compensation

By Posted on Posted in Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble No Comments Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

or…  The Apocalypse Can Be Fun!

Almost Midnight
Almost Midnight

Yesterday I mentioned how the CERN project is going to fire up its Large Hadron Collider on Wednesday September 10, 2008.  Several lawsuits have been filed (most in the US even though the project is located in Switzerland and France) to stop the machine from being turned on.  Here are some of the allegations:

  • It will create “strangelets” that will convert all other matter in the universe into “strangelets.”
  • It will create a black hole that will swallow up the Earth.

And, my PERSONAL favorite:

  • It will create a hole in space where where time becomes stuck in an infinite loop.

However infinitesimal, you have to admit the possibility that one of the above will happen.  Here’s a list of things you can do today to prepare for the world (maybe) ending tomorrow:

  1. Save your breath and don’t work out today.
  2. Eat fatty greasy salty food.  Garlic, onions, beans – go nuts!
  3. Take up smoking, drinking, and a drug of your choice.
  4. Tell your boss what you really think about them. ((Steve, buddy, you gotta work on your golf game.))
  5. Leave work early today and don’t show up ever again!  (Or, kill two birds with one stone and do this at the same time as #4).
  6. Shred your will and cancel all insurance policies.
  7. Credit is your friend.  Apply for every line of credit you can.  Call your credit card company and see if you can raise your credit limits.
  8. Things to buy: an air horn, fireworks, a megaphone, a costume (favorite super hero, movie star, pirate, etc), a lot of champagne, and a beer hat.
  9. Book a caterer for tomorrow.  Sure, its last minute, but money is no object, right?
  10. Call your mom – she worries.

Be prepared to stay up late tonight and get up early tomorrow.  You’re not going to want to waste any daylight.  The next blog post will be at 5am. Set your alarm and check back here bright and early for your itinerary.

Get ready to party like its 1999.

By Posted on Posted in Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble No Comments Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , ,
End of the World
End of the World

Hey, we’ve had a good run.  The world has to end some day and I guess September 10, 2008 is as good as any.

Long story short, the European Organization for Nuclear Research aka CERN is going to fire up its brand spanking new 4 billion dollar 27 kilometers long “Large Hadron Collider”. ((CERN from Centre Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire.  Its a French thing.))  Although the internet was created by DARPA, CERN created the world wide web.  There have been a flurry of high profile lawsuits to stop this machine from being turned on – because these people believe it will cause the end of the world.

The device is supposed to smash two protons together to see what pops out.  They believe it will create new little bits of matter and anti-matter and give them a glimpse into what the big bang looked like. The good folks at CERN sponsored a rap video to explain how it all works:

Check in tomorrow at 6am for some suggestions on how to spend your last day.

[50th blog post!  Yay!]

By Posted on Posted in Not Workers Compensation, Open Source, PDRater, Technobabble, Vista No Comments Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Looong story short, after Dell lost my Windows XP laptop they replaced eventually it with a new laptop (hooray!) with Windows Vista (boo!). Sure, I got used to it – but its a constant struggle. Once you strip down Vista, yanking out all the features that make it different from Windows XP, its not that bad. But, then again, there isn’t much good about it either. More than 18 months after the release of Vista, here’s my reason to not use it:

In this day and age, there is exactly one reason to have Windows – Microsoft Office. If you want to play games, you’re better off with an XBox or PlayStation 3. If you want to surf the web, you can use your phone. For anything else, you can use a Mac or Linux.

A friend of mine confided that when her copy of MS Office 2003 didn’t work with Vista she bought MS Office 2007. This exact problem, my copy of MS Office 2003 not being able to run on my laptop running Vista, is why I turned to OpenOffice. Here’s the vicious cycle I perceive:

  1. Your old computer is slow.
  2. Buy a new computer.
  3. New computer comes with newest version of Windows.
  4. You buy all new software to run on the new version of Windows.
  5. Your computer is now loaded down with so much junk you need a faster computer.

I absolutely refuse to believe Microsoft is incapable of figuring out a way for their newest operating system to work with the world’s most popular office productivity software. The only possible explanation I will accept is that Microsoft is using the manufacturer’s theory of LRR. ((Lather, rinse, repeat.))

By Posted on Posted in Javascript, Not Workers Compensation, PDRater, Technobabble No Comments Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Howie Mandell trying to look hard.
Howie Mandell trying to look hard.

Javascript appears all over the internet. You can be pretty sure that your favorite websites use a LOT of javascript. You see it every time a website creates a pop-up advertisement, sends you an alert, lets you bookmark their page, or interacts with you in some way.

I’ve written some pretty cool (in my nerdy opinion) things in javascript:

  • A blackjack strategy simulator. You tell the program how many decks, when you want to hit, stand, double down depending on the deck count, and it will run through a given number of hands – telling you how much your strategy has won/lost overall.
  • A “Deal or No Deal” odds simulator. The program calculated the average of the remaining unopened suitcases – to compare against the Banker’s offer. It made rudimentary guesses about how much the Banker would offer. There has been some incredible and complex analysis of how these offers are created.
  • A billing program. It had separate timers for different tasks, tallied time, expenses, ability to save reports, and create invoices for different clients.
  • A simple program for tallying points for gin rummy.
  • Several small programs for solving various internet website puzzles.
  • Several small tools which allow me to write other programs or web pages more efficiently.

I’ve written innumerable other mini-programs which either had a very limited or one-time use or which I never developed into an actual program. One example was a program that would help me quickly search muliple ebay auctions and compare the various prices. Another was a Sudoku puzzle solver which I never completed.

By Posted on Posted in Business, Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble, Vista No Comments Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I recently saw banner advertisement for something called, “The Mojave Experiment.” The “Mojave Experiment” consists of hidden camera videos of people (who had negative opinions about Vista, but had never used it) being shown the next version of Windows, codenamed “Mojave.”

The Twist: Mojave was really just Vista.

Critical flaw #9: People who haven’t tried Vista by now probably don’t know enough about computers to tell whether the program they’re using is good or bad.

Shocking development #7: Everyone loved Mojave! Riiight. Everyone thought Vista could do wonderful things and was fast and responsive.

Here’s what they’re not telling you:

  • How many people tried “Mojave”
  • Which version of Vista these people were shown ((There are eight versions (four consumer, two business, one Ultimate, and one Red edition)))
  • What kind of hardware were these “Mojave” machines running ((Vista requires four times the RAM, three times the processor speed, and ten times the hard drive space of XP.))
  • Whether these people actually used “Mojave” or merely watched the interviewer use “Mojave”
  • What programs they’re showing these people and whether those programs would work on other versions of Windows

I would be astounded if this bit of propaganda changed a single person’s mind. More than 18 months after Windows Vista’s launch on January 30, 2007, people still loathe it. People hate it so much they’re telling their friends.

Here’s a business tip for Microsoft: Don’t try to convince people they want your product. Just learn from your mistakes and build a better product.