Did the apocalypse take you by surprise? Not to worry! Once you’re done with the obligatory crying, rending of hair, and gnashing of teeth, I’ve got a handy-dandy itinerary. You may want to print this one out and keep it on you for the rest of the day.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Strap in. Its going to be a busy day.
Get up and drink as much coffee as you can tolerate. If you didn’t do everything on the list from yesterday, try to take care of some of that stuff now. Put on your costume (you did buy the costume yesterday, right?) and let’s get started.
Call everyone you know – party at your house!
Rent a Lamborgini or Ferarri. Don’t spring for the extra insurance scam. No matter what happens today, you’re not returning it in one piece.
Drive in the carpool lane. Top down, no seatbelt. Why not have a drink?
Try something totally new. Color your hair, get a tattoo, a piercing. Remember: There is no such thing as politically incorrect any more. How about a baby seal burger?
Try something dangerous. Bungie jump, skydive, or swim with the sharks. Better yet, find a way to do all three at once – time’s a wastin’!
Overpay and overtip EVERYWHERE you go. Have fun passing out money like its going out of style!
Attend party at your house. This is where the caterers, fireworks, and champagne come in handy.
Hookers for everyone!
Last meal: Whatever you want to eat and drink, but you might as well try fugu too.
I like to think that Ferris Bueller would have approved of this plan.
If, by some truly freak occurrence, the Earth doesn’t get swallowed up by a black hole and we’re not stuck in a time loop, check back in tomorrow morning for a list of things ways to deal with the consequences of living like there’s no tomorrow.
Yesterday I mentioned how the CERN project is going to fire up its Large Hadron Collider on Wednesday September 10, 2008. Several lawsuits have been filed (most in the US even though the project is located in Switzerland and France) to stop the machine from being turned on. Here are some of the allegations:
It will create “strangelets” that will convert all other matter in the universe into “strangelets.”
It will create a black hole that will swallow up the Earth.
And, my PERSONAL favorite:
It will create a hole in space where where time becomes stuck in an infinite loop.
However infinitesimal, you have to admit the possibility that one of the above will happen. Here’s a list of things you can do today to prepare for the world (maybe) ending tomorrow:
Leave work early today and don’t show up ever again! (Or, kill two birds with one stone and do this at the same time as #4).
Shred your will and cancel all insurance policies.
Credit is your friend. Apply for every line of credit you can. Call your credit card company and see if you can raise your credit limits.
Things to buy: an air horn, fireworks, a megaphone, a costume (favorite super hero, movie star, pirate, etc), a lot of champagne, and a beer hat.
Book a caterer for tomorrow. Sure, its last minute, but money is no object, right?
Call your mom – she worries.
Be prepared to stay up late tonight and get up early tomorrow. You’re not going to want to waste any daylight. The next blog post will be at 5am. Set your alarm and check back here bright and early for your itinerary.
The device is supposed to smash two protons together to see what pops out. They believe it will create new little bits of matter and anti-matter and give them a glimpse into what the big bang looked like. The good folks at CERN sponsored a rap video to explain how it all works:
Check in tomorrow at 6am for some suggestions on how to spend your last day.
As a workers’ compensation defense attorney I travel throughout Northern California for hearings and depositions. To date I’ve been as far North as Ukiah and as far South as Fresno for cases. I’ve compiled a list of the various things I’ve found come in handy when I’m on the road.
Always in the car:
Cup holder
Quarters
Hand sanitizer
Moist towelettes
Water bottle
Rubber bands
Glove compartment
1/2 cup almonds in a sandwich bag
Tire gauge
Flashlight
Driver’s seat
Umbrella (underneath)
Front passenger seat
Roll of paper towels (underneath)
Trunk
Jumper cables
Two blankets
Rope
Second pair of shoes (comfortable shoes for driving, dress shoes for appearance)
Extra tie, extra socks
Am I missing anything?
Update: I added flashlight to the glove compartment.