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Sep
11
2008
Not Workers Compensation, PDRater, Technobabble

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Spitzer - The Morning After
Spitzer - The Morning After

Okay, I’ve got good news and bad news.

Good news: The CERN LHC was fired up yesterday and the world didn’t end!

Bad news: If you followed any of my suggestions from the past few days, you might need some pointers on what to do now.1

  1. Give up smoking and drugs.
  2. You’ll need a new will and gym membership.
  3. You kept receipts, right?
  4. You’ll probably need to go back to renting an apartment.
  5. Work on your resume.  There’s no way your boss is taking you back.
  6. Get a good lawyer to deal with the DUI, solicitation, and federal wildlife protection charges.
  7. Face facts, you’re probably uninsurable now.
  8. Two words: credit counseling.
  9. Consider switching to a religion that offers absolution or papal indulgences.
  10. STD tests for everyone!

Something most of those CERN / LHC lawsuits forgot to mention is that even though the Large Hadron Collider was fired up yesterday, it won’t warm up to smash things together for a few weeks.  So, we’re not totally out of the woods yet…

(Too bleak for a Thursday?)

  1. End of the World Survival Guide, The End of the World: A To Do List. [↩]
Sep
11
2008
Free, Open Source, PDRater, Technobabble, Website Updates

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Wordpress Upgrade
Wordpress Upgrade

Last night I upgraded from WordPress v2.6.1 to WordPress v2.6.2.  You’ve heard me extoll the virtues of WordPress.  Free, open source, easy to modify and customize, highly secure and… updated (infuriatingly) often.

If you see any weirdness, please let me know so I can take a look at the issue.

Sep
10
2008
Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble

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or… What Would Ferris Bueller Do?

Did the apocalypse take you by surprise?  Not to worry!  Once you’re done with the obligatory crying, rending of hair, and gnashing of teeth, I’ve got a handy-dandy itinerary. You may want to print this one out and keep it on you for the rest of the day.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.                                     – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Strap in.  Its going to be a busy day.

  1. Get up and drink as much coffee as you can tolerate.  If you didn’t do everything on the list from yesterday, try to take care of some of that stuff now.  Put on your costume (you did buy the costume yesterday, right?) and let’s get started.

    Pimp Hat
    Pimp Hat
  2. Call everyone you know – party at your house!

    Party House
    Party House
  3. Rent a Lamborgini or Ferarri.  Don’t spring for the extra insurance scam.  No matter what happens today, you’re not returning it in one piece.

    Lamborghini
    Lamborghini
  4. Drive in the carpool lane.  Top down, no seatbelt.  Why not have a drink?

    Beer Hat
    Beer Hat
  5. Try something totally new.  Color your hair, get a tattoo, a piercing.  Remember: There is no such thing as politically incorrect any more.  How about a baby seal burger?

    Baby Seal Burger
    Baby Seal Burger
  6. Try something dangerous.  Bungie jump, skydive, or swim with the sharks.  Better yet, find a way to do all three at once – time’s a wastin’!

    Skydiving and Bungie Jumping with Sharks
    Skydiving and Bungie Jumping with Sharks
  7. Overpay and overtip EVERYWHERE you go.  Have fun passing out money like its going out of style!

    Money
    Money
  8. Attend party at your house.  This is where the caterers, fireworks, and champagne come in handy.

    Party House
    Party House
  9. Hookers for everyone!

    Happy Spitzer
    Happy Spitzer
  10. Last meal:  Whatever you want to eat and drink, but you might as well try fugu too.

    Fugu - Blowfish
    Fugu - Blowfish

I like to think that Ferris Bueller would have approved of this plan.

If, by some truly freak occurrence, the Earth doesn’t get swallowed up by a black hole and we’re not stuck in a time loop, check back in tomorrow morning for a list of things ways to deal with the consequences of living like there’s no tomorrow.

Sep
9
2008
Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble

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or…  The Apocalypse Can Be Fun!

Almost Midnight
Almost Midnight

Yesterday I mentioned how the CERN project is going to fire up its Large Hadron Collider on Wednesday September 10, 2008.  Several lawsuits have been filed (most in the US even though the project is located in Switzerland and France) to stop the machine from being turned on.  Here are some of the allegations:

  • It will create “strangelets” that will convert all other matter in the universe into “strangelets.”
  • It will create a black hole that will swallow up the Earth.

And, my PERSONAL favorite:

  • It will create a hole in space where where time becomes stuck in an infinite loop.

However infinitesimal, you have to admit the possibility that one of the above will happen.  Here’s a list of things you can do today to prepare for the world (maybe) ending tomorrow:

  1. Save your breath and don’t work out today.
  2. Eat fatty greasy salty food.  Garlic, onions, beans – go nuts!
  3. Take up smoking, drinking, and a drug of your choice.
  4. Tell your boss what you really think about them.1
  5. Leave work early today and don’t show up ever again!  (Or, kill two birds with one stone and do this at the same time as #4).
  6. Shred your will and cancel all insurance policies.
  7. Credit is your friend.  Apply for every line of credit you can.  Call your credit card company and see if you can raise your credit limits.
  8. Things to buy: an air horn, fireworks, a megaphone, a costume (favorite super hero, movie star, pirate, etc), a lot of champagne, and a beer hat.
  9. Book a caterer for tomorrow.  Sure, its last minute, but money is no object, right?
  10. Call your mom – she worries.

Be prepared to stay up late tonight and get up early tomorrow.  You’re not going to want to waste any daylight.  The next blog post will be at 5am. Set your alarm and check back here bright and early for your itinerary.

Get ready to party like its 1999.

  1. Steve, buddy, you gotta work on your golf game. [↩]
Sep
8
2008
Not Workers Compensation, Technobabble

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End of the World
End of the World

Hey, we’ve had a good run.  The world has to end some day and I guess September 10, 2008 is as good as any.

Long story short, the European Organization for Nuclear Research aka CERN is going to fire up its brand spanking new 4 billion dollar 27 kilometers long “Large Hadron Collider”.1  Although the internet was created by DARPA, CERN created the world wide web.  There have been a flurry of high profile lawsuits to stop this machine from being turned on – because these people believe it will cause the end of the world.

The device is supposed to smash two protons together to see what pops out.  They believe it will create new little bits of matter and anti-matter and give them a glimpse into what the big bang looked like. The good folks at CERN sponsored a rap video to explain how it all works:

Check in tomorrow at 6am for some suggestions on how to spend your last day.

[50th blog post!  Yay!]

  1. CERN from Centre Européenne pour la Recherche Nucléaire.  Its a French thing. [↩]
Sep
4
2008
Author, Business, Technobabble

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Road Warrior
Road Warrior

As a workers’ compensation defense attorney I travel throughout Northern California for hearings and depositions.  To date I’ve been as far North as Ukiah and as far South as Fresno for cases.  I’ve compiled a list of the various things I’ve found come in handy when I’m on the road.

Always in the car:

  • Cup holder
    • Quarters
    • Hand sanitizer
    • Moist towelettes
    • Water bottle
    • Rubber bands
  • Glove compartment
    • 1/2 cup almonds in a sandwich bag
    • Tire gauge
    • Flashlight
  • Driver’s seat
    • Umbrella (underneath)
  • Front passenger seat
    • Roll of paper towels (underneath)
  • Trunk
    • Jumper cables
    • Two blankets
    • Rope
    • Second pair of shoes (comfortable shoes for driving, dress shoes for appearance)
    • Extra tie, extra socks

Am I missing anything?

Update: I added flashlight to the glove compartment.

Update: I added umbrella under the driver’s seat.

Sep
3
2008
Calculators, Commutation, PDRater, Technobabble, Website Updates, Workers Compensation Resources

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Google
Google

Google has a saying, “launch early and iterate.”  Launch your idea, get feedback, make it better, keep doing it! As a friend of mine has delicately suggested, I’m no Google.  This doesn’t mean I can’t learn from Google, right?

Two of the calculators I’ve been developing are a commutation calculator (for pre-1/1/2003 injuries) and a retroactive benefits calculator.  I’ll discuss the commutation calculators more closer to their launch.

However, today is the day I’m publicly launching my Retroactive Benefits calculator!  Its fairly straight-forward.  You tell it the weekly rate, start date, end date, payment date, and an interest rate.  It tells you how many days, how much is due, how many days the benefit was delayed, and how much is due with interest.

Take a look, play around with it, let me know what you think.  Drop me a line or post a comment.

Aug
29
2008
Business, Free, PDRater, Search Engine Ranking, SEO, Technobabble

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A blogger I respect very much, Roger Dooley, recently posted about “The Power of FREE.” His Neuromarketing blog is mostly about the interplay between marketing and psychology. You should read the article for yourself, but the bottom line is that offering something for free is an incredible incentive – even where someone might get just as as good a deal for “almost free.”

Many people measure their success by their search engine ranking for their “target keywords.” I would wager that most people care about their Google ranking over other search engines. Most search engines alter the search results by placing paid advertisers at the top. Google does not sell search engine rankings. I would say this is one of the biggest reasons it’s considered the gold standard of search engines.

My own target keywords are “permanent disability calculator free.” I discovered a few days ago that this website is the top ranked Google result for these keywords!

Aug
28
2008
Not Workers Compensation, Open Source, PDRater, Technobabble, Vista

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Looong story short, after Dell lost my Windows XP laptop they replaced eventually it with a new laptop (hooray!) with Windows Vista (boo!). Sure, I got used to it – but its a constant struggle. Once you strip down Vista, yanking out all the features that make it different from Windows XP, its not that bad. But, then again, there isn’t much good about it either. More than 18 months after the release of Vista, here’s my reason to not use it:

  • User Access Control
  • It requires more resources (hard drive space, RAM, processor speed)1
  • It will not work with MS Office 2003

In this day and age, there is exactly one reason to have Windows – Microsoft Office. If you want to play games, you’re better off with an XBox or PlayStation 3. If you want to surf the web, you can use your phone. For anything else, you can use a Mac or Linux.

A friend of mine confided that when her copy of MS Office 2003 didn’t work with Vista she bought MS Office 2007. This exact problem, my copy of MS Office 2003 not being able to run on my laptop running Vista, is why I turned to OpenOffice. Here’s the vicious cycle I perceive:

  1. Your old computer is slow.
  2. Buy a new computer.
  3. New computer comes with newest version of Windows.
  4. You buy all new software to run on the new version of Windows.
  5. Your computer is now loaded down with so much junk you need a faster computer.

I absolutely refuse to believe Microsoft is incapable of figuring out a way for their newest operating system to work with the world’s most popular office productivity software. The only possible explanation I will accept is that Microsoft is using the manufacturer’s theory of LRR.2

  1. Compare Windows XP’s requirements to Windows Vista’s for yourself. [↩]
  2. Lather, rinse, repeat. [↩]